dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
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I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
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FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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