i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
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Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
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Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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