so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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