i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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