i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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