ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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