I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
