I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
