you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
