Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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