I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
