I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
