i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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