I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
