i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
