I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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