my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
