im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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