dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
