You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
