god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
