so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
