So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
