i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
