When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
