Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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