I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
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