is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
