Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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