Betty ford says i'm here all night
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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