My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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