I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
