did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
