He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
