I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You've changed since you got that strap on
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
