my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
