she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
