He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
