The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
