I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize