I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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