last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
