No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
