dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
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I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
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How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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