If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
