I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
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