no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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