I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
