My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
