jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
