Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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