Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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