im about as happy as oj after his trial
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
