Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
