Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
